Stupid Simple Spaghetti... and Sgeti

Another simple recipe from my kitchen... we're gonna make Spaghetti fit for a hungry kid on a budget. Also, we're gonna make sgeti.


Stupid Simple Spaghetti

1 water
250 gram pasta noodles
1/2 lb ground beef
1/2 green pepper
1/2 onion
3 cloves garlic
1/2 tomato
Some mushrooms
2 cups tomato sauce
some cheese

salt
pepper
paprika
oregano
thyme
cumin

1) Boil water and heat pan
2) Introduce beef to pan. Let the beef sizzle back
3) Peel and mince garlic, add to beef because the fat is starting to melt
4) Chop onions and green pepper, add to beef
5) Chop tomatoes and mushrooms, set aside
6) Add pasta to now boiled water
7) When beef and vegetables fully cooked, add tomato sauce, vegetables, and spice to taste.
8) Drain Pasta, mix with sauce
9) Grate cheese on top (if economically feasible)

Simple. Done. Tasty. Eat it.


Sgeti

1 water
some spaghetti
some ketchup
Your mother

1) Add spaghetti to water
2) Wait
3) Stir in red ketchup
4) Scratch head in confusion
5) Ask mom what you did wrong.

More life instructions at Modern Ape.

Ancient-Roman Dictator Dressing

So its been a while since I last posted, haven't been cooking a whole lot recently. But this is just a simple recipe that's also easy to play and adjust with to meet your satisfaction. I came up with this recipe for Chicken Ceasar Burgers, but it doesn't work so well for salad. I've also found this works great for BLTs (all sandwiches really) and a dip for your potatoes!

1 cup mayo
1/2 cup yellow mustard
1/4 cup + 2 tbsp ketchup
2-4 cloves garlic, minced
Juice from 1/2 lemon
2 tbsp Parmesan cheese (powdered)
3 dashes Worcestershire sauce
Tabasco or Louisiana or equivalent hot sauce (desired amount)
Fresh ground black pepper (desired amount)

Whisk all ingredients in a bowl. Taste and adjust accordingly. Spread, dip or dress and enjoy!

Evolution never felt so... tasty

Heres the opening to BBC's amazing documentary "Did Cooking Make us Human."

Bourgouise Breaded Chicken on Rice

Hey readers, it's Mathieu from the Modern Ape zine and blog. I cook and sometimes people like it, even though I always end up inventing new plates by complete accident. How? Why? Well, I'm cheap. I use discount ingredients and make the best plate I can with them. Does it turn out well? ...sometimes. Depends on the recipe and how "creative" I got with the procedures. If they told me how to cook it on the back of the box it will definitely turn out like it should on the back of the box... the first time. Will I post something awful? No way. Tastiness ensured. Olive oil exempt.

Anyways, I cooked this recipe two nights ago from a similar recipe I found online. But I pretty much completely disregarded the instructions, as I often do, and  made it from stuff typically in my college aged kitchen. LETS COOK.

Ingredients
2 Slices of Whole Wheat or Rye bread (toasted crisp)
4 chicken legs
1/2 onion
1/2 green pepper
4 stalks green onion
1 medium carrot
1 dream of childhood innocence
4 cloves garlic
1/8 stick of butter
dash of vegetable (equivalent) oil
2 cups rice
Salt, pepper, Cayenne Pepper, Louisiana (or equivalent) hot sauce, oregano

Directions
1) Preheat wok or large sauce pan to medium, preheat small pan to high
2) Boil 3 cups water and add rice
2) Grate bread in to crumbs, mince and crush the garlic, mix with all spices in a bowl and set aside
3) Strip the bone from the chicken leg and discard (or save for stew?). Cut chicken in to bite sized pieces.
4) Melt butter in sauce pan and add hot sauce. Coat chicken in the mix and bread.
5) Raise heat on wok and cook chicken. Add breaded mixture over top and mix it in the pan.
6) Chop onions, peppers, and green onions and the dream of childhood innocence however you see fit. Peel carrot in to slices
7) Add onions carrots and vegetable oil to small sauce pan, cooking until soft and browned
8) When chicken is nearly cooked, add the rest of the vegetables, warming them but not fully cooking them.
9) Serve all on top of rice

Serves 2. For you and a date to reminisce about what Beavis and Butthead episode was the best and why the world is broken.

I would take a picture but it would look like shit. Happy eatings!

Guest Recipes!

Hey folks, guess what? I got someone to post guest recipes! His recipes will be yummy-licious and super scrump-taculous, while using simple and cheap ingredients, keeping to the "Punk" ethics. "Creating some cheap grease that she'll still eat. Feed your fam on food stamps." Hope that gives you an idea of how awesome this is to come!
Also, check out his blog, The Modern Ape at modernapes.blogspot.com.
More posts to come, so keep checking back!

-Punk Chef

Chocolate syrup

So I figure its time I get something sweet up here. This is my recipe for real chocolate syrup. This recipe is simple, and the syrup can be used as a delicious topping on desserts, for hot chocolate or whatever you like chocolate syrup on.

1 1/2 whipping cream or heavy cream
1 cup semisweet chocolate
1 tbsp ground cinnamon
2 tsp vanilla extract

1. On medium-high heat, bring your whipping cream or heavy cream to a simmering boil.
2. Add your chocolate, I use Hershey Chip-its, and whisk til smooth.
3. Add your cinnamon and vanilla extract and whisk in. Remove your heat and serve.
4. For hot chocolate, add hot milk to your desired amount of syrup, stir and enjoy! (Though you probably don't need telling, marshmallows and whipped cream complete the awesomeness.)

Sweet Chili Thai Chicken

So this is something I came up with after I had something similar at Milestones. I did make this into something original and yummy. Full of spice and flavour, this meal will bring your mouth alive. Serve it as an appetizer or with Thai Jasmine rice as dinner.



3 boneless, skinless chicken breasts
flour

EGG WASH:
2 eggs
2 tbsp milk
3/4 cup water

BREADING:
2 cups bread crumbs
1 tsp salt
1 tsp fresh ground black pepper
1 tsp crushed cayenne pepper
1 tsp garlic powder
1 1/2 tsp chili powder

SAUCE:
2 cloves garlic
1 1/2 tbsp finely-grated ginger
5-8 dried red chilies
1 cup rice vinegar
1/2 cup sherry or cooking sherry
Juice from 1 small lime
3 tbsp + 2 tsp brown sugar
3 tbsp corn syrup

1 1/2 cups sliced cucumber
1 mango sliced into strips
3/4 cup sliced green onion
1 tbsp sesame seeds

1. Cut your chicken breasts into small, relatively even pieces. The size of the pieces is up to you. Place the pieces into a colander and wash with cold water. Remove from the colander and pat dry with paper towels or napkins.
2. Dredge each piece of chicken in all-purpose white flour and set aside.
3. Beat your eggs in a small mixing bowl with a whisk. Add your milk and water and beat so that all is well mixed.
4. Mix your bread crumbs with all the seasonings. I prefer to do this in a shallow pan rather than in a bowl, so its easier to bread the chicken. I made my own bread crumbs by cutting up a bun into pieces and toasting, then crushing them in a food processor, then toast them once again, but you can just buy ready-made bread crumbs.
5. With a pair of tongs, dip one piece of chicken into the egg wash and lift it out and leave it over the bowl for any excess egg mixture to drip back in. Transfer it to your bread crumb mixture, and press down so that all the bread crumbs and seasoning will stick to the chicken and mix with the flour. Flip it so that the chicken is well breaded. Set aside.
6. Mince your garlic, grate your ginger, and crush your dried chillies in a mortar and pestle. If you don't have a mortar and pestle, you can just mince your chillies. Choose the number of chillies based on your love for spice. I used 8 and it was pretty hot (a little to much for my mom to handle), but I've definitely  had spicier food before.
7. Put all the "SAUCE" ingredients into a medium saucepan or pot. Heat on high heat and bring to a boil, then reduce to low heat and simmer, stirring occasionally.
8. Now there are three ways to cook your chicken: deep fry, pan fry or oven-cook. I pan fried my chicken with a bit of canola oil. The amount of time it takes to cook your chicken will vary on the method you choose and the size of your chicken pieces.
1. If you deep fry, use canola oil and lift the basket every few minutes to see when its ready.
2. If you pan fry (which I did), again use canola oil at medium-low heat. Check your chicken every couple of minutes to see when they're ready to flip. The bread-coating should be golden-brown.
3. If you decide to cook in the oven, coat the chicken and an oven safe pan with canola oil and cook in the oven, checking to see when they're ready.
9. While your chicken is cooking, cut off 5" of a cucumber at a diagonal, then cut in half lengthwise. Slice your semi-circular cucumber, continuing in diagonal slicing so that the slices are a bit longer, and set your cucumber slices aside.
10. Cut your mango in half lengthwise and remove the pit as carefully as possible to not damage the mango. Remove the mango peel with a pairing knife, and like the mango halves into strips and then in half.
11. Place your cooked chicken into a large mixing bowl, add your cucumber and mango and mix with a spatula. Add your sauce, and fold to coat. Pour onto a large serving plate or onto individuals plates. Garnish with fresh sliced green onion and sesame seeds. Serve with Thai Jasmine rice.

Steak Hash

So for my 17th Bday, I went to Milestones, and had their Prime-Rib Hash for breakfast. I was blown away by the amazingness of this item. It was sooooo good. I found this recipe for Steak and Eggs Hash, at CHOW, a website that has helped me out sooooo much. I used this recipe as sort of a guideline for my recipe. I still haven't made this, but I'm making it tonight, and I thought it would get in the mood by posting this recipe before making it.

15-20oz of steak
2 tbsp olive oil

2-3 cloves garlic
1 medium onion
3 red bell peppers
1 1/2 cups corn niblets
1 lb potatoes
1 cup sliced green onion
3-4 eggs (depending how many people you're serving)
Salt & Pepper to season

1. Chop your onion into a fine dice and slice your garlic into fine strips. Any onion will do for this recipe, just whatever you like best.
2. Chop your potatoes into 3cmX1.5cmX1cm pieces, or into desired size. Consistency will be a necessity.
3. Chop your peppers into small, consistent pieces (about the size of 6 corn niblets)
4. Next step is choosing your steak. I suggest something thick (3/4 inch thick) like prime rib, rib eye, sirloin or top sirloin. Pick something with NO BONES.
5. Trim the fat off your steak and generously season your with salt and pepper. I like using coarse salt for this so that you can see where there is and isn't salt (fine salt disolves so you don't know whats salted).
6. Heat 1 tbsp of your olive oil in a large skillet and sear your steak at high heat, about 8 minutes for first side, and six minutes for flip side. This is for steak done to "medium" doneness. Your going to cook the steak again in a bit, so under-cook your steak to suit your preferred doneness.
7. Remove your steak and put it on a curved plate, so the juices don't leak off and set aside. Reduce the heat to medium.
8. Heat the other tbsp of olive oil in your skillet and fry your onion and garlic until soft.
9. Add your potato and press down into one even layer, stirring occasionally. Watch and make sure your potatoes don't burn.
10. Add your red peppers and corn, season generously with salt and pepper and stir to coat, cook and mix.
11. Cut your steaks in half, and then slice them into thin, even pieces. Return them to the skillet along with any accumulated juices. Stir and cook for an additional two minutes approx.
12. Mix in your green onion and devide the hash into 3-4 servings.
13. Crack an egg over each serving, put the lid back on and cook eggs to desired doneness.

Veggie Confetti

So this is my spin-off of something my uncle made at Christmas. Its super yummy, and succulent. This is great as a meat side-dish, or you could add tofu to this mixture and make it a vegan meal (never done it, so I don't know how it would turn out). This is also a recipe you can mess around with a lot. Substitute any of the veggies for ones you prefer, to make your perfect mixture, however try and keep as many colours in the dish as possible - you will get many "ooohs" and "awwwws" at the table. If you decide to not add the beets, I would add 1/2 a cup of water to replace the beet juice. Credit to mom for coming up with the name, and credit to my uncle for making something very similar for me to try out!

Veggies:
3 sweet potatoes
3 yams
2 beets
20 brussel sprouts (approx.)
2 red bell peppers

Marinade:
1 medium onion
3 cloves garlic
1 tbsp salt
2 tsp black pepper
1 tbsp rosemary
2 tsp thyme
1 tsp oregano
1 tsp parsley
1 tsp basil
1 1/4 cups red-wine vinegar
1 tbsp & 1 tsp olive oil

1. Chop up your veggies. I cut them so that they were all the same thickness, but other than that it didn't matter if the pieces were uneven, to give that inconsistent "confetti" look to it. I left the brussel sprouts whole. I peeled the beets, but left the peel on the potatoes and yams.
2. Put all your veggies into an oven safe dish (eg. Corningware or Pyrex). Make sure there is still some room in the dish to make mixing easy. I just put them into two separate Pyrexes.
3. Dice your onion super fine and crush your garlic and slice into fine strips. Put them into a bowl for your marinade. I used a brown onion, BUT I feel red onion or shallots would've done the trick a bit better.
4. Add the remaining ingredients into the bowl and mix. The herbs I listed are just examples, you can use whatever you feel necessary/whatever you have. I do recommend lots of rosemary though. I know it seems like a lot of herbs and salt, but remember this is for a lot of veggies. If you don't have red-wine vinegar, you can mix regular red wine and some vinegar (I suggest apple cider vinegar or balsamic vinegar).
5. Pour your marinade evenly over your veggies, and with a large serving spoon, mix everything together.
6. Cover tight with aluminum foil and cook in oven at 350* F for about 40 minutes. I stopped cooking them when all the juices (mainly from the beets and marinade) were reabsorbed by the brussels and potatoes. You can also check by poking the veggies with a fork to test their tenderness. Whichever testing method you choose, make sure its done quick and infrequently, so little juice will escape.